Wheelock Chapter 29: Result Clauses

Without a question, the most amazing way to learn about result clauses is to think of them in terms of "your mom" jokes. For real. The grammar terminology gets old fast, and it's so unnecessary, when instead of thinking in terms of superlatives and adjectives of degree, to think about it like:

Tua mater est ita ingens ut ea neccet files.


For the majority of my day, I made these jokes. It never gets old. For instance, as I bought my lunch today at a cafe, I informed a classmate that her mother was so fat that monsters were scared of her. In literature class, I wrote that my essay was so terrible that the teacher was angry. I didn't have Latin class, but I more than made up for it by spending the majority of my second period, after failing to locate a friend, writing your mom jokes in my notebook.

Currently...

I am being flummoxed.

Isn't that a great word? Also, that sentence is in the passive. Cheerio, old bean.

Omegle, Omegli, asl

Recently, Skye and I have discovered the wonderful mayhem of www.omegle.com, a website on which you are connected to a random stranger in a chat-room format. It is overrun with pedophiles and undersexed teenage boys, the rare exception being an arbitrary perverted yet kind Dutchman.

A typical omegle conversation:
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: wanna do it?
You: yes
Stranger: ok
You: ..
Stranger: do u know what it is?
You: im not stupid
You: lol
Stranger: lol sry
You: so how's this gonna work
Stranger: r u m or f?
You: f
Stranger: im m
Stranger: okay
Stranger: so i stick my cock in you and we bounce up and down. then i make out with u, and we have a baby. and then we do it again.
You: oh, sounds good
You: but shouldn't the making out come first?
You: just to be romantic about it and all.
Stranger: oh right
Stranger: yeah it should come first
Stranger: it should
Stranger: so it will
You: okay: REVISED ITINERARY
You: you kiss me tenderly and romantically
You: causing me to fall into your arms
You: then, we fuck
You: then i pee on a stick and cry a lot.
You: repeat.
Stranger: yes thats right
You: well, i'm gonna go now.
You: but glad we discussed this.
Stranger: ok im glad to
You: *too
You have disconnected.
or save this log or send us feedback.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Are u horny female who wants webcam fun?
You: duh
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
or save this log or send us feedback.

Devoted to Lilla

"Leave me Party in the USA now or I will time travel using my homologous pairs to syntax your ass down to another VORTEX. (That's right. I just referenced biology, Latin Grammar, an inside joke, and Harry Potter."

- Sophie Lilla

Because she is worth it.

They like brains.

I realized today that my school has no zombie escape plan in place. Needless to say, this is a problem. Why? Because I'm afraid that someday, the school will be infiltrated through its most sensitive spot; the Latin department.

Let's hypothesize that, like a bacterial form adapting to modern medicine, zombies have the capability to evolve in order to meet the demands of current society. To do so, they would have to have slightly more cerbrebral activity than their mindless, one track minded predecessors. Oh, and that one track? Its tantamount to a one way ticket to a lovely little town called Nom-on-your-brains-ville.

This charming town is populated by the flesh eating undead; people who at one time were thriving and alive, are now medically dead and yet are somehow still functioning at a base and yet entirely powerful level.

Review time; what language is considered dead? Oh right. Latin. What language is still used and considered both powerful and important? Latin.

From this, we can discern that Latin and Zombies are in the same category. Technically dead, but still influencing society.

What, therefore, could be more reasonable than a Zombie Latin teacher? (Who is either plotting our gruesome deaths with the rest of his or her intelligent and secretive Zombie society, or preparing us for our potential lifelong jobs as mindless Zombie slaves. One or the other.)

Cheers!

It's been way too long since the last post.

Unfortunately, Skye has been busy with work, as have I.

I just found this journal entry from when I was young and had just read Harry Potter.

The only true witches are me and Dana. The others dicided they wanted to be wiches and the started saying that they wher wiches and they arnt. The only true wiches are me and Dana! They are takeing over Magic and me adn Dana need to stop them but if Dana is on their side, I'll do it my self! They cant be face [fake?] wiches. because fake wiches means magic would not be real. and they do not know that. I just don't know how to tell them!

I could put spells on them, or call them in their mind but that would not do. If I put a spell on them then they would know how to undo it, now that Dana is telling them spells. Eny way they are nice. If I talked to them in their minds, they would not be my friend and they would be mad. Those ideas will not work. I wonder what the hedmaster of hogwards, Dumbledoor would tell us to do.

With Unlimited Commercial Interruption-a Q & A of sorts (note the timestamps)

2:24:40 AM Rory: the following program is brought to you by Rory and Skye at 2:24 AM.
2:24:41 AM Rory: Hi!
2:24:44 AM Skye: I get delerious. I told you the mushroom story right?
2:24:55 AM Rory: waitaminute
2:24:57 AM Rory: yes, yes you did
2:24:58 AM Rory: wait no
2:24:59 AM Rory: did you?
2:25:05 AM Rory: tell me, and posterity.
2:25:48 AM Rory: Skye, i'm going to start yodeling
2:25:51 AM Skye: the one where my mother asked me to put a thing of mushrooms in the fridge and I was psychotic with exhaustion
2:26:03 AM Rory: OH RIGHT
2:26:04 AM Rory: THAT ONE
2:26:07 AM Rory: yes, yes you did
2:26:08 AM Rory: that was funny
2:26:34 AM Skye: and I was too entertained to make it to the fridge so instead I fell down halfway crying with laughter.
2:26:48 AM Skye: moral of story;
2:27:14 AM Skye: ...i dunno. don't give tired people mushrooms?
2:28:43 AM Rory: of any kind
2:28:47 AM Rory: fo real son
2:28:53 AM Rory: it's not as bad as
2:29:11 AM Rory: when i was watching buffy and i decided to be british.
2:29:25 AM Rory: i made english muffins with butter and jam and a cup of peppermint tea
2:29:31 AM Rory: and read a book in bed
2:29:36 AM Rory: the issue was it was three in the morning
2:29:39 AM Rory: and
2:29:47 AM Rory: i can't exactly cook
2:30:41 AM Skye: british is good though. British people get more sexy time.
2:30:58 AM Skye: moresexytime+you=happyrory!
2:31:11 AM Skye: and no mushrooms.
2:31:42 AM Rory: british people eat lots of mushrooms, though.
2:31:49 AM Skye: my iPod has pre-recognition for voldemort but not for elephant.
2:31:58 AM Rory: explain por favor?
2:32:05 AM Skye: I accept this as a completely reasonable exchange.
2:32:27 AM Skye: like when I type "volde" it suggests "voldemort"
2:32:49 AM Skye: but when I type "eleph" it doesn't suggest "elephant"
2:32:52 AM Rory: hahahahhaa
2:32:55 AM Skye: see?
2:33:04 AM Rory: your iPod knows you very well, is my response to that
2:33:13 AM Rory: my ipod just gave up on suggesting things for me to say
2:33:24 AM Skye: it wud be odd not to have a nose.
2:33:27 AM Rory: it is mute and thus not dumbfounded
2:33:28 AM Rory: and
2:33:34 AM Rory: did you read that story, by gogol??
2:33:36 AM Rory: called the nose?
2:33:43 AM Rory: where this dude's nose just FALLS OFF
2:33:45 AM Rory: becus
2:33:49 AM Rory: it gets shaved off by the barbar
2:33:54 AM Rory: and then they chase it around russa
2:33:57 AM Rory: *russia
2:33:58 AM Skye: hahaha anose was auto corrected to amos. Amish iPod!
2:34:05 AM Rory: AMOS AND BORIS!
2:34:06 AM Skye: russias an odd place.
2:34:07 AM Rory: like the fish!
2:34:07 AM Rory: i mean
2:34:08 AM Rory: whales
2:34:14 AM Rory: i can see it from my house, though. russia
2:34:53 AM Skye: I have problems locating and naming where I feel pain. like...if I stub my toe I will be like "ow! my face!"
2:35:35 AM Skye: don't be silly we can't see Russia. we see England; only people in ALASKA see russia.
2:37:10 AM Rory: i once said
2:37:20 AM Rory: OW! I HURT!
2:37:25 AM Rory: after falling off a bike
2:38:24 AM Rory: have you ever seen
2:38:28 AM Rory: the northern lights?
2:38:28 AM Skye: bikes are fun. and now, I am sleepy.
2:38:31 AM Rory: ME TOO
2:38:34 AM Skye: no I haven't.
2:38:36 AM Rory: i jsut spelled pretect wrong!
2:38:42 AM Rory: *protect
2:38:46 AM Rory: i spelled it like, well, like pretect
2:38:54 AM Rory: shall we cut this short and go to sleep?
2:38:54 AM Skye: but balto has.
2:38:58 AM Rory: who is balto?
2:39:02 AM Skye: seen the lights I mean.
2:39:07 AM Skye: THE DOG!
2:39:09 AM Rory: WHAT DOG
2:39:13 AM Rory: OHMYGOSH
2:39:16 AM Skye: the famous obe
2:39:23 AM Rory: obe
2:39:25 AM Rory: ooooobeeeeee
2:39:27 AM Skye: the sick and the sled in alaska
2:39:27 AM Rory: OH BEE
2:39:32 AM Rory: IS THAT LIKE
2:39:35 AM Skye: hahah
2:39:35 AM Rory: um
2:39:36 AM Rory: i forgot
2:39:40 AM Skye: oh no
2:40:14 AM Skye: time has turned into silk like the kind spiders weave with lies and shit so that means bedtime.
2:40:37 AM Rory: i would really enjoy a bedtime story, but
2:40:40 AM Rory: i'll let you off the hook
2:40:47 AM Skye: goodnight and fair thee well pretect.
2:40:51 AM Skye: no story
2:41:01 AM Rory: i love you this much!
2:41:04 AM Skye: laurel is tre tired.
2:41:05 AM Rory: i just held out my arms emphaticaly
2:41:21 AM Skye: I too am holdin ny arms out with emphasis.
2:41:26 AM Skye: livers.
2:41:29 AM Skye: I mean
2:41:36 AM Skye: ibe
2:41:40 AM Skye: ove you.
2:41:46 AM Skye: love you!
2:41:49 AM Rory: love you too!
2:41:51 AM Rory: livers!
Changed status to Offline (2:41:58 AM)